What to do...

7 de noviembre 2006

Mi querido Buenos Aires, nunca voy a olvidarte.

Things are really starting to sink in now. I can’t believe there are only three weeks left. I got really sad today, like crying alone in my room sad, because I really really don’t know what to feel. I love Argentina so incredibly much…I never want to leave. I love this laid back lifestyle and traveling every other weekend. I love the city, and I love speaking Spanish every single day and always having someone around to practice with. I love the people in this city, the night life, my host mom and her cooking, and especially the teaching I’m doing here. I have absolutely everything here that I need, but certainly not everyone. And despite my attempts to keep distance from the IES people here, I’ve remained true to my character and gotten very close to a number of girls here and even gotten the chance to grow closer to God with them. What am I supposed to feel? Because I feel everything. A freaking huge mixture of everything. Some days im okay with going home, or at least the idea of it. But today I know for sure that I am going to miss Argentina very very VERY much and I’m going to be very sad for a while when I get home. I’m amazed at how easy it was for me to adjust to the porteño lifestyle and now that I’m settled in, I have to go back to the US where everything is different. I’ve been out of the loop with so many people that its going to be hard to get back into the swing of things – especially because I have a feeling that I will be resisting the American way of life that I used to know a great deal. Reverse culture shock is going to be a lot more difficult for me than the culture shock when I first arrived here. I’m already crying. I only cried once before I left to come here. There are so many things/feelings/thoughts that I cant explain, because they’re BA things. When I left home to reach out and learn I succeeded, but I don’t know how to bring it all back alone. This doesn’t even make sense. I really shouldn’t be writing when I’m upset because it all comes out jumbled and only makes sense to my mixed up crazy brain. Not to mention, my English grammar has gone out the window now that I’ve been focusing so strenuously on Spanish.

UGhhhhhhhhhhhh signing off for now,
Amandita